"I got run over by a crazy woman in an electric car"

                Howdy! I wouldn't dare to mention my name,but I used to be the most beloved pirate ever to sail the Caribbean. I also am Ichabod Crane, Grindelwald, Hatter and Tonto. Now I may assume whoever is reading has a sense of who I am.

                  I have lastly been married to a woman some 20 years my junior. Probably the most horrifying mistake I ever made. All my other mistakes cost me my fortune. But this wh**e took everything else from me. My dignity, my career, and the crown of Hollywood. All except one thing: my beloved fans.

                    My loving wife and I were not getting along so well as we once had been. And my head was in the clouds as I was realizing that people of my management had been screwing up my money. Soon she filed a lawsuit against me alleging domestic and physical abuse. Believe it if you will, I was the actual victim!

                        I know what she wanted was my money. I could've given away. I never was about money. What boils me inside out is destroying my career: the one thing I loved the most. Even at the night I was burning after I realized had lost something around six-fifty million dollars, I got beaten by my tender and graceful wife. It was clearly in the phone call recording presented at the court. Unbelievably, the London critters closed the trial in just three weeks calling me a ' Wife-Beater.'

                   Nothing is too surprising with who had crept inside her skirt. As you might agree, I am rich, but what on Earth could my money have done in front of one of the richest men in the goddamn world? This guy founded the current most iconic electric car brand in the world. Now you do know who fried me in my own world.

                   He's got everyone in his filthy pockets: F***ing movie companies I made fortunes for, bleeding imbeciles who call themselves judges. Yes, indeed I got thrown off the costume of the pirate and that Grindelwald thing because they thought a 'wife-beater' was not fit for their productions. Like anyone's gonna do my roles better than me. Ha! But I couldn't bear those great franchises I held close to my heart losing popularity because of my absence.

                The funny thing is I never even did anything to these people: my b***h of an ex-wife and that rich guy.  He gave her - the woman he was screwing with her utmost consent while she was still married to me - 24*7 security after she requested a restraining order on me. This maniac even hilariously challenged me to a cage fight like I was some animal like him.

                   I was once the crown jewel of Hollywood with a never-ending career among the biggest blockbusters. I lost it all after I was crushed to bits by a woman in a flashy electric car. I hate bloody electric cars anyway.